More Than Just A Name

After weeks of seeing my social media feeds being overwhelmed with stories of the latest officials jumping on the "Change the Name" bandwagon, I feel compelled to pull out my virtual soapbox for a moment.

First, let me say that this post is not about whether the Redskins should change their name - frankly, I've had enough of that conversation.  What is of greater concern to me is the fact that while it's all fine and well to say you feel this way or that about offensive terms (racial or otherwise), our actions behind closed doors are what we really need to focus on changing.

Racism, hatred and even stereotypes are all learned beliefs and behaviors and more often than not, parents are the unwitting teachers.  We take for granted that a child's young age or seemingly inattentive behavior means they aren't listening or don't comprehend what we're saying.  Well, guess what?  Not only are they listening, but they're learning, repeating and even demonstrating some of our most despicable and hateful behaviors and attitudes.  Don't believe me?  Well, why else would a child talk about how they "hate" any language other than English or state that a classmate is rich because they're a certain skin color?  Sure, out of the mouths of children these things may sound harmless and you may even be inclined to say "Oh, they're so young...they just don't know any better."  Trust me, their age has nothing to do with it.  They think it's acceptable because that's how they're being raised!

My point is this - if you want to fix the vast number of injustices and prejudices happening in our great nation, then start by correcting your actions at home and be the true role model our children need.  For those who don't have children, don't think you're excused.  It takes a village to raise a child and a nation to heal it's own wounds.  If you're not part of the solution....

Take care of yourselves and be nice to each other XO
La Nena

For The Love of the Video Game

I have a confession to make - I am a woman and I enjoy video games.  Yes, it's true and I am not ashamed!  I grew up playing on Atari and Nintendo systems.  Now, thanks to the hubs, I have moved on to bigger and better systems like XBox 360, Playstation 3 and the Wii.  In fact, just a few weeks ago we were pulverizing each other in the latest version of Mortal Kombat and causing complete chaos in an old 360 game called Burnout - it's the safest format of road rage you'll ever encounter!  So, it stands to reason that I wholeheartedly support children playing video games.  I know a lot of people think that this leads to kids being obese and lazy, but as long as there is moderation (like with everything else in life) I say, let them play!  In my opinion, video games are fun and really can serve a good purpose in your child's life. 

Aside from educational value, video games are great for "rainy day" entertainment.  The Wii has literally saved my sanity on more than one occasion!  Since their toddler stage, the twinks have proven that they will become little tasmanian devils if they don't have some form of physical activity.  HALLELUJAH! for the Wii and all their sports and playground themed games!!  From golfing to dodgeball, the twinks can be thoroughly entertained for the full 1 - 1 1/2 hours they're allowed to play.  As an added bonus, the only drink they request while playing is water! Yes, WATER!!!  I don't know too many 6 years old that willing seek this out on their own, so I definitely consider this to be an added bonus! 

In addition to the active (physical) games, there are some great benefits to games that are simply played for the fun of gaming.  For instance, my little Mini Me has been developing her fashion design skills on her Nintendo 3DSXL with a Bratz video game that allows her to create outfits and sell them in her own boutique!  This has led to her expressing herself more creatively in paper drawings by using more colors, creating patterns and even illustrating action scenes (ever seen a bunny jumping out of a tree?! I have now!) I know you're probably thinking "Big deal - the kid is drawing more" but when you consider that she used to struggle with even making simple stick figures, this is a big deal!  As for my son, if he's not saving the world as one of his favorite super heroes,  then he's playing a key position on one of his favorite sports teams (mainly the Washington Redskins or the Capitals!)  What I've noticed with both of them is that aside from enhancing their hand-eye coordination and critical thinking skills (yes, even video game football requires critical thinking), the completion of goals and winning trophies in these "just for fun" games has increased my children's confidence.  Sure, it's a bit superficial, but to be honest, I don't care - my children enjoy feeling a sense of accomplishment and I enjoy celebrating their virtual victories!  

Which brings me to the last and most important point I'd like to make today - playing video games is a great opportunity for parents to bond with their children.  What's that?  You don't have time for video games? Oh, they aren't your "thing"?  Well, whether we want them to be or not, video games are very much a part of the 21st Century child's life.  Why not take the time to explore them with your child, instead of allowing someone else to do it for you?  Trust me, it will happen - whether at a play date or a family gathering, your child will discover the art of gaming.  Instead of dreading it, think of it as your chance to show your kids that they can have fun with you, too - you're not just a disciplinarian, who makes and enforces rules ALL the time.  Furthermore, you can teach your child the very valuable lesson of how not to be a sore loser or an ungracious winner.  I think we all can agree that this is a lesson that is better learned in the safety of your home than on the sometimes cruel school playground. 

Now, of course, I am speaking strictly from my own experiences.  Will you and your child's experience be the same as mine? Maybe...maybe not, but you won't know until you've tried.  Also, I'm not saying that there shouldn't be any rules about playing either.  The twinks game playing is mostly reserved for weekends and holidays.  If they are allowed to play during the week, they must first earn the privilege by doing reading or writing homework that I assign to them and to the level of my expectations (which are higher than their teacher's.)  And, please, make sure that your children are only playing the games that are appropriate for their age group.  No matter how much they think they can handle it, NO toddler or kindergartner should be given a Resident Evil or Call of Duty type game.  So, now that I've shared my point of view, let's hear yours....

Career vs Family - How Do You Choose?

Recently, I've been having a lot of conversations with women who are struggling with the all too familiar dilemma of choosing between careers and family.  Given my current status, I'm sure they expected me to be biased on this issue, but I'm not.  During the past 8 months, I've learned that staying home is not for everyone.  

Most people think this is a black & white type of decision - meaning, either you want to work or you don't.  Well, surprise, surprise - it's not quite so cut and dry.  One thing you may not realize is that there is an incredible amount of pressure and fear involved with making such a life altering decision.  Just think - would it be easy for you to place your families' livelihood solely on your partner's shoulders?  Are you really ready to make some serious personal sacrifices (goodbye name brand products & clothing, hello clearance racks & bargain bins).  Sure, it doesn't sound horrible when you're reading it here, but believe me, it's tough!  

For some, there is a greater concern of choosing between losing their identity or being viewed as abandoning their family should they decide to continue working.  I have to admit, I was really surprised by the number of women who've said they feel as though their career is the last remaining hope to being identified as an individual and not "just Mom" or "So-and-so's spouse" .  I know, I know - in these tough economic times, how can anyone judge an individual for continuing to work after becoming a parent?  We all know children are NOT cheap, especially, if you plan to allow them to have a good, quality education.  The fact of the matter is, no matter how advanced our society becomes there will always be "old school" expectations placed (predominantly) on women when it comes to raising children.  

So, what's my advice for working through all of this?  First and foremost, be honest with yourself about where your heart truly lies.  Listen, deep down we already know what we want in most situations, but are usually too afraid to accept or voice our choices for fear of judgement.  Your decision in this situation could call for some serious preparation, so time is of the essence - don't waste it fighting with yourself.  That being said, if you are on a career path that you simply cannot walk away from, then by all means, continue working and be happy about it!  Trust me, your family will benefit far more from a content, working parent than a miserable, stay home one.  Next, have an open and honest discussion with your partner/spouse about your fears or concerns....ALL of them.  My husband was actually a bit surprised to hear that he was one of my biggest concerns when deciding whether or not to seek a new corporate role.  My fear was that he could resent me for causing him additional stress about our finances, if I chose to remain at home.  In fact, my concerns over these pressures are exactly why I opened my DeSadas Style shop on Cafepress (which, by the way, you can check out here or "like" on Facebook here) and I began seeking freelance opportunities.  Lastly,  for those whom are concerned about losing their identity...I don't know how to say this delicately, so I won't - if you choose to peak out at this point in your life and become "just (insert title/role here)" well, that's on you.  Personally, I don't understand how anyone could allow this to happen, but who am I to judge anyone?  What I can tell you is that I was raised with the belief that you should always be striving for growth at every stage of your life.  If you feel that you HAVE to choose to place your drive or ambitions aside for the sake of caring for your family, then let me remind you that your family will benefit far more from a content, passionate individual than a miserable one.

Until next time, my friends... 

Be well & take care!

Pride Begins at Home

As a mom, I try my best to make sure that the twinks are not only proud of who they are as individuals, but also of the special bond they share as twins.  As the mother of biracial/multicultural children, I have the added pleasure of ensuring that they are equally proud of their multiethnic backgrounds.  From their out of control curls to their Spanish speaking abilities, I encourage my children to embrace EVERYTHING that makes them unique.

Sounds like it should be pretty easy right?  I mean they're only 6 years old, so how hard can it be?!  The truth is, it's actually a bit of a daily struggle.  Raising a child to be independent and speak a different language or participate in a specific cultural ceremony because you tell them to, doesn't exactly go hand-in-hand.  The fact that the twins are in school now hasn't helped matters either.  In some ways, it's made some of my goals for them even more difficult.  Although, we are fortunate enough to live in a culturally diverse area, in their school there are very few students who show any level of pride in their cultural backgrounds.  Some students, actually seem to get embarrassed when they have to speak to their parents in their native tongue and for the life of me, I cannot understand why this is allowed!!  Yes, I know they're not my children and it shouldn't concern me, but it does.  We all know how cruel kids can be and the pressure of being accepted can cause our little angels to act like demons sometimes.  Well, there is a similar effect when children witness other kids being teased or embarrassed by something that makes them different - like speaking a foreign language.  We should be teaching our children that the ability to speak more than one language is an exceptional quality and should be appreciated, not used to shame someone or make them feel like an outcast.  We are living in an era where being bilingual is not only an advantage, but in some cases (like getting hired for certain jobs) it's a requirement.  Sadly, my son is one of the children, who prefers to speak in English and will try to whine his way out of speaking Spanish.  Unfortunately, for him, I am far too stubborn to let him win and I've blown his mind a couple of times by informing him that there was a time in his short, little life when all he understood and spoke was Spanish.  Lucky for me, my daughter knows better than to fight this losing battle and will even sing in Spanish!

Now before some of you get your panties in a bunch and start screaming that I'm being unpatriotic, let me assure that I'm not.  I'm as proud as one can be to be American and live in this great nation of ours.  However, as an American, I believe we should be teaching our children to be proud of their roots and allow them to identify with all parts of their culture.  For those who think that that's what things like Hispanic Heritage and Black History month are for, well, sorry but that's hardly adequate.  Our nation was built on the backs of immigrants from all parts of the globe - yes, some were forced here, but many came by choice and without their sacrifice and hard work, the country we call home would be a very different place.  Ironically, many of us would not be here today, if it weren't for these immigrants.  Take me, for example -  my roots span the globe from Africa to Scotland (possibly Ireland) and include Native American ties.  While I don't know every aspect of these cultures, I'm very proud to be a product of all of them and as I learn more about them, I'll teach the twinks about each and every one!

The best part of all of this is that my husband fully supports my efforts and reinforces them by telling the twinks he's as proud of his Salvadoran roots, as he is of his ties to America.  Without him being such a strong example of latin pride, I don't know that I would have as much success, specifically, with my son.  We know that raising our kids to know "El Orgullo de Ser Latinoamericano" while being "Black & Proud" won't be easy, but we'll do our best to make it fun!

To all parents, PLEASE teach your children everything you can about who they are!  If you have certain customs or traditions PRACTICE THEM!  Different parts of this country are known for certain things, if you don't know about yours, learn it and teach it to your children!  If you are a multicultural or biracial family and have a native tongue, teach your children and make them SPEAK IT!  No one should dishonor their roots by allowing them to be forgotten, especially not for the sake of being accepted. 

As always, be well & take care!

A New Chapter Begins...

Who remembers this song?  

"Is this the little girl I carried?
Is this the little boy at play?

I don't remember growing older

When did they?

When did she get to be a beauty?

When did he get to be so tall?

Wasn't it yesterday

When they were small?

Sunrise, sunset

Sunrise, sunset

Swiftly flow the days

Seedlings turn overnight to sunflowers

Blossoming even as we gaze..."

You guessed it!  It's "Sunrise, Sunset"  from the musical "The Fiddler on the Roof" and it's been at least  20 years since I last sang this song in a school performance.  For those not familiar with it, "The Fiddler on the Roof" it's basically a story about a father who has to accept that his daughters are growing up - whether he agrees with how they're doing it or not.  Clearly, there's much more to it than this, but we're not here to discuss musicals, right?  

This song started going through my mind about two weeks ago, while I was purchasing kindergarten supplies for the twinks.  I think every kindergarten parent can't help but reflect on how much their babies have grown when faced with preparing them for school for the first time.  Sure,  for the parents who've had their kids in Pre-K or a daycare it's probably not really a big deal, but for first-time parents, like myself, whom have had the pleasure of having their kids cared for at home, starting kindergarten is HUGE!  It's the first time we're really faced with having to accept that our children must leave the comfort of our nests and get ready to face all the good, bad and ugly that the world has to offer.  So, here I was walking the aisles at Target picking up the items on their school supplies list and my heart started racing (and this song playing on auto-repeat in my head) as the realization that soon my precious babies would no longer be under my watchful eye began sinking in.  OK, I know that's a bit dramatic, but honestly, when it comes to my kids that's how I am and you know what?  I've earned the right to be this way.  I had a high risk pregnancy, overcame complications that would have had some women choose to terminate their gestation, ended up having an emergency c-section at 30 weeks, which was so painful that I required a morphine drip AND a prescription for Oxycodone (neither of which had any effect) and have spent every moment of their time on this Earth fighting for or protecting my twinkies - so you bet your ass that when it comes to caring for them, I am one hell of a force to reckon with. 

(Whew! Everybody OK?  That outburst surprised me, too!  Now back to the story at hand...)

I actually started their school year fighting for them.  See, where I live it's customary for multiple birth siblings (twin, triplets, etc.) to be separated in school.  The belief behind this practice is that it allows each child to develop as an individual and aid in preventing classroom distractions.  I understand this thinking, however, I do not agree that the school system should be making this decision, especially not without consulting the parents.  Since I was aware of this practice, I asked the twins early on how they felt about it and neither of them wanted to be separated.  Seeing how strongly they felt, there was no way I could have them start school without trying to keep them together.  So, during the registration process, I asked the school's Staff Development professional about the school's stance on separating multiple siblings and she confirmed that their policy is to separate them.  When I told her I prefer them to be in the same classroom, she gave a slight smirk and stated that I could speak to the Assistant Principal about my concerns, but that separation is really a standard practice throughout the county.  So, I came home, did my research and discovered that there is a law in place where parents may make a written request for their multiples to be in the same class and the school is required to comply for at least 30 days.  Well, that was all I needed to know!  I sent my request via email and I'm happy to say that as of today, the twins are in the same classroom!  Could this change?  Yes, but not without someone giving me a good reason for it.  

This, my friends, is how my family's next chapter of Life is beginning.  I find it bittersweet and exciting all at once.  I am so proud of my precious little ones for all that they have accomplished, so far.  I love the excitement that they have for going to school, experiencing new things and discovering  their potential in new ways!  From this day forward our definitions of "quality time" and "vacation" have taken on a whole new meaning and purpose.  I know that there will be many trials and tribulations before us.  I have accepted that there are many things I will not be able to protect them from and although it pains me deeply, I know that there will also be times when all I can do is be there to hug them and wipe away their tears (sniff, sniff.)  (Sigh) This may be one of the hardest years of parenthood, I've had yet...is it too soon to start planning our 2013 summer vacation?!?!

Be well & take care all!